Are There Differences Between the Russians and the Ukrainians?

Even though we mostly speak the same language, there are important differences between us that are the result of our different history, geography, climate and culture. Here are some of these differences:

1. The most important invasion that was suffered by the  Russians was that of the barbaric, fiercely militaristic and nomadic Golden Horde. The presence of the Mongol invaders (who did nothing but burn, rape, rob, and ravage) throughout the 13th century isolated the Russians from the rest of Europe, putting them behind other European countries in terms of culture, economy, politics, religion, etc. While this was going on in Russia, a part of Ukraine was subjugated by the Lithuanians (who were behind the Ukrainians in terms of their civilization and development and quickly adopted Ukrainian culture and practices). Another part was conquered by the Poles (who were highly civilized ans sophisticated and brought European trends into Ukraine.) The consequences of this can still be felt today when the idea of being European and belonging to Europe is very attractive to most Ukrainians. Russians, however, are a lot more oriented towards Asia and view Europe with suspicion.

2. Most of the Russian lands are infertile and it is very hard to survive on them. For this reason, there were always strong communal tendencies between people who lived on the land. It was a lot easier to survive if you joined your paltry possessions with neighbors and cultivated the land together. The lands in Ukraine, however, are among the most fertile in Europe. Everything grows, blooms, and requires very little effort to become productive. This is why people are a lot more individualistic. It was a lot more difficult for Stalin to enforce collective ownership in the agricultural areas of Ukraine than it was in Russia. Also, the respect for private property is a lot weaker in Russia than in Ukraine. 

3. There was a very strong legacy of democracy in Ukraine that was completely absent from Russia. Between the XVth and the XVIIth centuries, Ukrainian cossacks created a democratic government where no distinctions were made between people of "high" or "low" birth. Russians, however, were always governed by extremely autocratic rulers. This is why today, Ukrainians are still trying to establish a democracy in their country, while the Russians seem to be quite content with their authoritarian government. 

4. Women always had much greater freedom in Ukraine than in Russia. Since the Middle Ages, Ukrainian women had an opportunity to choose their partners freely. Unlike in Russia, Ukrainians did not practice arranged marriages where women were not allowed to see their future husbands before the day of the wedding. The practice of having the women's side of the house where women had to stay was prevalent in Russia, but nobody ever heard of it in Ukraine. Women did not cover their heads in Ukraine (unless they felt like it), while in Russia they had to do so and cover parts of their faces as well. 

5. As a result of a greater freedom for women, sexually Ukrainians always enjoyed a much greater freedom and fulfillment. The sexual revolution in Ukraine began at around 1910 (earlier than anywhere else in the countries of our Western Civilization) with the writing of one of our greatest writers (and the future Prime Minister of the independent republic of Ukraine) Volodymyr Vynnychenko. 

6. Since their land was so fertile that people were pretty sure that they wouldn't starve no matter how little they work, Ukrainians became a lot more laid-back and likely to engage in prolonged spells of happy-go-lucky procrastination. You want hard-working and determined, go with a Russian. Looking for relaxed and happily snoozing on the sofa? Choose Ukrainian. 

What You Need to Know About Your Russian-Speaking Friend

Every culture has its own peculiarities. We, the Russian-speakers, are, of course, no exception. In this post, I will share some of the things you should expect if you are planning to spend time with Russian-speaking friends or colleagues.

1. We are joyful people who love to celebrate, spend time with friends, and enjoy existence. A week doesn't pass by without my parents having at least one group of friends over at their place. A Russian-speaking party is very different from the Anglo-Saxon party, for example. For one, nobody stands while trying to balance the plate and the glass. Everybody sits around a big table. Regardless of the economic situation of your Russian-speaking hosts, food will be abundant and will consist of several courses with many food choices. Nobody will ever ask you eat off a paper plate and drink out of plastic cups. The table will be beautifully and properly laid, there will be beautiful table linens and dinnerware. 

There will not necessarily be alcohol. (No, we are not all alcoholics, no matter what you might have heard.) If guests at my parents' house request alcohol, there is likely to be a lot of confusion followed by a frantic search for that half-finished bottle of wine that somebody brought over last summer. As I was growing up, my parents never bought a single bottle of vodka. There was champagne for New Year's (one bottle that would be divided among a dozen guests) but vodka never made an appearance. There will never be any drinking of alcohol without plentiful food to accompany it. Asking people to drink wine and only offering them some cheese with it is considered unacceptable.

Your place at the table is usually assigned to you by the hostess. It is rude to rush to a place of your own choosing because it will spoil the hostess's seating plan. My mother, for example, often leaves cards with the guests' names (and a little gift inside) next to the plates she assigned them. If you saw how my mother lays a table, you'd think she was brought up in the palace of the Queen of England. The next time I visit my parents, I'll take a picture and post it on the blog. I promise that you will be stunned. We, however, consider it business as usual.

Parties last a lot longer than in North America. Here in the US, I'm usually disappointed whenever I go to a party by the fact that people begin to leave the moment when the gathering reaches the degree of warmth and mutual contentment after which a party in my culture continues for several more hours.

2. People are very direct. Politeness is not highly valued. I had to learn to say "please," "thank you," "how are you?", etc. after I emigrated. Nobody is afraid of passing judgment on anything or anybody. (Which is something you would have never guessed after reading this blog for a while, right? :-) If your Russian-speaking friend thinks you gained weight, got a horrible haircut, are wearing an ugly dress or silly shoes, s/he will inform you of that in no uncertain terms.

3. People require (and expect others to require) a lot less personal space. It is completely normal to show up at a fiend's place unannounced with your entire family and expect an elaborate meal to be served to you. And, of course, if you show up unannounced, people will leave everything they are doing and will feed and entertain you joyfully.

4. In spite of all the hospitality, this is a very closed culture and it's extremely difficult to gain access to it. People will be nice and kind to you but it will take a lot of effort for them to see you as somebody who can be trusted.

P.S. If you are asking over somebody who is not just a Russian-speaker but specifically from Russia, make sure you have some tea in the house. Russian people drink tea all the time. After about 15 minutes in your house, your Russian friend is likely to start getting antsy and will send wistful glances in the direction of the tea-kettle. A Russian person's first response to any trouble you might share with them is to offer to make you a cup of tea. I'm from Ukraine, so for me it was something I had to get used to when I first started living with a Russian person. 

Intercultural Communication

I'm writing the post at the request of one of my readers. If you have a topic (or several) you would like to see me cover, leave them in the comments section of this post.

I am not going to insult the intelligence of my readers by telling them that it's important not to be racist or condescending when you try to communicate with representatives of other cultures. My readers are all highly intelligent people who don't need such things being pointed out to them. I'll just make a list of some "dos" and "don'ts" that, in my opinion, might be helpful in intercultural communications.

Don't:

1. Often, people like to initiate a contact with representatives of other cultures by reciting a list of every person from that culture they ever met and every fact they know about this culture. You have no idea how boring it is to hear people rattle off "vodka, borscht, hopak, beautiful women, alcoholic men, corruption, Holodomor, Schevchenko, Crimea, hospitality, the Black Sea, Kiev and Odessa" whenever I mention that I'm from Ukraine. I, for one, never know what to say in response. Just imagine yourself on the receiving end of something like this. "Oh you are from Texas? Cattle, Dallas, Bush, cowboy boots, country music, funny accents, religious folks. From New York? Sex and the City, Central Park, crime, Italian mafia, 9/11, shopping." Or, even more annoyingly, "Rhode Island? The ex-boyfriend of my neighbor's friend once traveled to Rhode Island. She says the people are very nice there." What can anybody possibly respond to that?

2. It's never a good idea to try to massage foreign cultural realities into the concepts that you operate with in your own cultural reality. An arranged marriage is not always oppressive. Often, it's just based on a completely different understanding of the concept of marriage. Hiring household help (which is a common tradition in Latin American countries, for example) is not necessarily exploitative. Getting married at 19 might not be "a bad idea" if the culture's understanding of marriage is completely different.

Do:

1. It's a good idea to ask questions but only if you are really interested. It is a lot of fun to share things about your culture but only if you feel that your interlocutor has a genuine interest in your response and isn't just asking because of a baseless belief that it's a polite thing to do. When I want to ask a question of a person from a different culture, I often precede it by, "I'm sorry to be so ignorant. . ." or "If I may ask something completely stupid. . ." It's also perfectly fine not to be interested. A sincere lack of interest is a lot better than a fake show of interest where none exists.

2. Spending a lot of time with people from other cultures is great because it allows us to discover an entirely new facet to our own personalities. It is difficult to let go of one's own culturally conditioned persona but it's worth it in terms of how much it will ultimately enrich you. "You and I are Latinas," a friend from Colombia once told me. "This is why we see certain things differently." When I reminded her that I wasn't a Latina, it took her a while to remember that I was right. "Well, you are one of us anyways," she said.

3. It is also a good idea to remember that people around the world do not have to be interested in the same things as you are. I am sick and tired of answering the question, "So what did people in Ukraine think about OJ Simpson's trial?" Whenever I respond that we had no idea that it was taking place, and had we known, we would not have cared in the least, I always get confused stares in response. The intricacies of American politics are often as unknown to the people from other cultures as the details of Ukrainian or Nigerian politics to Americans. If you have no idea who Yulia Timoshenko is, it might be unfair to expect a person from Timoshenko's country to know or care about Sarah Palin.

4. Forget about the silly stuff they tell you about other cultures on television. "How come you don't play chess?" an older academic asked me. "I saw this program on television about how everybody in your country played chess really well." What can anybody offer in response to that other than a suggestion to get rid of the TV-set?

Cultural Differences: Ladies' Night

One of the things that really surprised me in North America was the tradition of the Ladies' Night.

In my culture, men are a lot more passive and less outgoing. You don't need any gimmicks to get women to visit places. They do it anyways. For decades, all public places have been filled by crowds of women and maybe a few men who were dragged there by their wives. Men are the ones who have to be lured into public spaces. Any event or gathering always suffers from a dearth of men, not women.

Of course, any kind of gender imbalance in this area (as well as in any other) has a host of negative ramifications and a couple of positive ones.

Judging Other Cultures

Bill Maher has become a target of a veritable barrage of critical posts, tweets, and articles because he said the following on his show recently:

Let me get to the other religion which is on my mind because I was more excited about the Arab revolution in the Middle East this week, before we heard the horrible news about Lara Logan and I looked at this: 94 journalists last year were killed - that's a lot - a 139 the year before.  You know it's forget when you see what we consider tv stars cause there are anchor men and anchor women over there; it's not a reality show.  This shit is really dangerous and we do not know the details of what happened there, but I think it's fair to say Muslim men have a bad attitude about women in general and I would just like to say to them, that you're never gonna have this revolution happen, unless there is also a sexual revolution that goes with it.

In the ensuing discussion with Tavis Smiley, Maher admitted that he is judging other cultures and defended his right to do so:

I am saying, I'm not prejudiced. That's pre- judging; I'm not pre-judging, I am judging. I'm judging. They're worse, what's wrong with just saying that? You're a cultural relativist; it's not relative. 

(You can watch the relevant part of the show, read the transcript and see the criticism that has been heaped on Maher as a result of these statements here.)

I'm not going to argue with the strange people who have chosen to see in Maher's words an apology for the kind of sexism that still exists in Western countries. Saying that something is bad can only mean that everything else is good only in a universe that is completely devoid of logic. What I find interesting is Maher's courage in leaving aside the fake pseudo-Liberal "tolerance" of everything that is different. A refusal to judge another culture (person, group, etc.) according to the same standards that one uses to judge oneself or one's own culture is not a sign of respect. It's a sign of a deep-seated condescension and an unabiding fear of otherness. 

I have no idea whether Maher is familiar with Žižek, but his closing statement in this discussion is very much in agreement with what the greatest living philosopher has to say about tolerance:

You know what, when you tolerate intolerance, you're not really being a liberal.

This statement could have easily come from Žižek himself.