I've read this great post titled "25 ways to tokenize or alienate a non-white person around you" and was inspired to make a similar list for male chauvinists. (To read the entire post, press the Read More button.)
1. If a female colleague mentions that she likes to cook, praise her for that exuberantly and tell her how nice it is to see that some women still know how to do that. For extra points, ask her to cook something for you since your girlfriend wouldn't be able to boil an egg if she tried.
2. Inform every woman you meet that women only like men who treat them horribly while nice guys like you cannot get laid no matter how hard they try. For extra points, ask her to prove you wrong by having sex with you.
3. Ask every woman you meet if she has a baby, and if she says she doesn't, ask her when she is planning to have one. Then inform her that her biological clock is ticking and she might miss her chance. For extra points, make tick-tock sounds whenever you meet her.
4. When you meet a woman in a professional setting, immediately ask her if she is married or if she has a boyfriend. If she answers in the negative, show surprise and ask her why not. For extra points, tell her you will set her up with one of your friends.
5. Whenever you see a female co-worker eat, ask her whether she is on a diet and if she says she isn't, tell her you heard that WeightWatchers produced really amazing results. For extra points, start leaving WeightWatchers flyers on her desk.
6. If you know a woman who has children, ask her who stays with her babies while she spends her entire day at work. For extra points, offer to bring her statistics about high depression rates among children of working mothers.
7. Ask your female co-worker whether she thinks she would have been hired for this job if she was male. For extra points, give her a little speech about reverse discrimination.
8. If you hear that somebody has been sexually assaulted, immediately inquire what the victim was wearing and whether she had been drinking prior to being assaulted. For extra points, tell everybody about this article you read that suggested that women who dressed provocatively and went out alone attracted rapists.
9. If a woman says she is a feminist, tell her that she doesn't look like a lesbian. For extra points, ask her what made her hate men so much.
10. Refer to your female colleagues as "girls." For extra points, address them as "sweetie" or "honey."
11. If your female co-worker disagrees with you about anything, ask her if it's her time of the month. For extra points, inform everybody around that she is sensitive today and shouldn't be approached.
12. Tell women that you are afraid to express yourself honestly because they might get emotional. For extra points, always bring a pack of Kleenex into meetings and distribute them to your female colleagues.
13. If a woman begins to say something, interrupt her and finish her thought. For extra points, tell her that you are just trying to help.
14. Inform everybody that as a result of evolution, women are monogamous because they need to snag and retain a provider and men are polygamous because they need to spread the seed. For extra points, distribute articles and blog posts on the subject to everybody you know.
15. Keep telling everybody you meet that you are a real gentleman, which is why you always open doors for women and offer them the best seat. For extra points, make a big show of rushing to open a door for a woman.
16. Tell everybody that women are the better half of humanity, which is why they need to be sheltered and protected from life's troubles by men. For extra points, give examples from your personal life demonstrating your credentials as a savior of damsels in distress.
17. If a female co-worker tells you she is pregnant, roll your eyes and tell everybody that you know this would happen. For extra points, walk around looking all dejected and share with everybody how worried you are about the pregnant colleague's incapacity to perform her duties correctly.
18. If a woman you know is planning to give birth, ask her about the method of delivery she chose. Criticize her choice and explain to her how she is wrong and how her method is dangerous to her and the baby. For extra points, send her information on other delivery options.
19. If you see a pregnant woman, stop her and give her advice as to what she should or shouldn't eat or drink during her pregnancy. For extra points, berate her for not taking good care of her unborn baby.
20. If a woman gets promoted, is awarded tenure or finds a great job, say "Well, we all know why that happened." For extra points, tell everybody how you will never get a similar promotion or find such a good job because nowadays men get passed over in favor of women because everybody is afraid of the PC police.
8. If you hear that somebody has been sexually assaulted, immediately inquire what the victim was wearing and whether she had been drinking prior to being assaulted. For extra points, tell everybody about this article you read that suggested that women who dressed provocatively and went out alone attracted rapists.
9. If a woman says she is a feminist, tell her that she doesn't look like a lesbian. For extra points, ask her what made her hate men so much.
10. Refer to your female colleagues as "girls." For extra points, address them as "sweetie" or "honey."
11. If your female co-worker disagrees with you about anything, ask her if it's her time of the month. For extra points, inform everybody around that she is sensitive today and shouldn't be approached.
12. Tell women that you are afraid to express yourself honestly because they might get emotional. For extra points, always bring a pack of Kleenex into meetings and distribute them to your female colleagues.
13. If a woman begins to say something, interrupt her and finish her thought. For extra points, tell her that you are just trying to help.
14. Inform everybody that as a result of evolution, women are monogamous because they need to snag and retain a provider and men are polygamous because they need to spread the seed. For extra points, distribute articles and blog posts on the subject to everybody you know.
15. Keep telling everybody you meet that you are a real gentleman, which is why you always open doors for women and offer them the best seat. For extra points, make a big show of rushing to open a door for a woman.
16. Tell everybody that women are the better half of humanity, which is why they need to be sheltered and protected from life's troubles by men. For extra points, give examples from your personal life demonstrating your credentials as a savior of damsels in distress.
17. If a female co-worker tells you she is pregnant, roll your eyes and tell everybody that you know this would happen. For extra points, walk around looking all dejected and share with everybody how worried you are about the pregnant colleague's incapacity to perform her duties correctly.
18. If a woman you know is planning to give birth, ask her about the method of delivery she chose. Criticize her choice and explain to her how she is wrong and how her method is dangerous to her and the baby. For extra points, send her information on other delivery options.
19. If you see a pregnant woman, stop her and give her advice as to what she should or shouldn't eat or drink during her pregnancy. For extra points, berate her for not taking good care of her unborn baby.
20. If a woman gets promoted, is awarded tenure or finds a great job, say "Well, we all know why that happened." For extra points, tell everybody how you will never get a similar promotion or find such a good job because nowadays men get passed over in favor of women because everybody is afraid of the PC police.
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